And so it goes...

First of all - I'd like to thank everyone who has posted here, emailed and called with their support and love.  It means so much to me to have so many of you rooting for me!  Thanks from the bottom of my heart.

It is a real struggle to try and blog any more.  First, my desk and computer was my "neighborhood bar". It is where I sat, with my glass of wine and read emails, chatted with on line friends and Oh, let's not forget SHOP! When you stop drinking, they tell you to avoid all the friends you drank with (hey, it's a computer! Avoid places you drank (hey, it's my HOUSE!) so I was pretty much at a loss what to do.  And really... not happy with the alternative.  I've started house cleaning at night.  How disgusting is THAT???  In fairness the house is very clean - and (grab on to your seats everyone...) ALMOST DONE!!!

Yup, yup, yup... ALMOST done!  The master bedroom just needs to have one piece of furniture painted and it (and the bathroom) will be completely finished! The kids rooms are done, the family room just needs to be straighten about every 10 minutes (Milton and General play the Indy 500 on the couch and the pillows are always all over the room).  But wait until y'all hear...

THEY STARTED PUTTING UP MY HURRICANE SHUTTERS!!!!  AND!!! THE Kitchen BAR top is at least in New Orleans and should be installed this week. (Read as hopefully by Thanksgiving!!!) Curtains are ordered (Thanksgiving) as is the second round (and last) of the hurricane shutters.  And that will be it! Well, I'd like new pool furniture and even more so a whole house generator - but OMG!  Done!  Good thing I'm busy will all these AA meetings or I wouldn't know what to do with myself.  OH! And as if that wasn't enough - all the front and side gardens got "fall"ed this weekend - and in another 2 weekends, I'll do the levee side yard.  WOW!  Almost 2 years to the day since we arrived back home.

So, this sobriety thing is really pretty fun... yes, I did say that.  I haven't laughed so much or so often as I do in meetings and in my week day outpatient group sessions.  My "clubhouse" where I go for most of my meetings is very New Orleans.  A raised cottage 4 plex (top left) with beautiful moldings, fireplaces, wood floors, the works.  The people are an amazing cross section of the city and in these rooms I hear the Spirit of New Orleans speaking to me.  All characters, most pretty funny and very healing. I never leave with out having learned something and my spirit uplifted. 

My God has a mystical sense of humor these days and I was having headaches in the mornings for about 10 days - guess those were all the ones I never got when I was drinking.  And in the past 5 days alone... Thursday Bob and I had a tiff while I was making dinner.  I asked Jessie to finish it while I dashed to a meeting.  It was my only recourse because I was either going to drink or kill him and we don't own a gun! "They" don't tell you that you have to hammer out relationships again because they are different (usually for the better) when you sober up.  Who knew?

Friday - While installing a simple decorative cable plate in our bathroom, the TV fell off the wall (sigh, YES we do have a TV in the bathroom - it's a BOB thing - they're every where in the house!). It crashed down on our counter top, shattering the granite! In the middle of cleaning THAT up - I knocked over an open bottle (the kind with the brush top... don't ask...) of Super Glue to the floor and promptly glued myself to the floor while cleaning that  up.

Saturday I fell off a wall while trying to use the leaf blower and closed my hand in a door bruising (I hope only!) my knuckles.  Sunday, well, it was a gem - but nothing compared to today.  Sunday I was coming home and the battery light on the car panel was on - couldn't figure out why because the gage said it was fine.  No air, no windows... hmm.  Well, turns out my ignition casing was jammed.  Couldn't get the car to turn off.  Mr. Rex came over with vise grips and finally got the car turned off - but now we can't get the key out of the ignition.  Walked into the house to find that the dogs had eaten about 12 pounds of Skylar's dog food... which set the stage for today.

I was roused from sleep at 5 a.m by Bob cursing the dogs... nothing new, but as I was talking myself into springing (as much as I can spring in the morning) out of bed to take care of what ever business was out there, I couldn't get over this strange sensation of gummy stuff on my bed.   Seems Milton decided to throw up all over the NEW duvet and sheets.  Read that as sheets with an S.  He had also thrown up all over the NEW fitted sheet UNDER the duvet too! So started the 3 hours of projectile vomiting from Milton and Old Dog. Every where.  With out warning.  No retching, no heaves - just a sudden opening of the mouth and, like Linda Blair in the Exorcist (and actually, pretty similar in looks only brown) partially digested dog food spewing every where. God it was gross. Finally got ready for "school" and it is POURING out.  Can I find an umbrella... no!  Well I did finally find one to use - a little sucker about 14 inches wide that was Jessie's when she was about 6!

So I come home to find that what is left of my studio has flooded (good news - the rest of the house was bone dry and we had 6" of rain and counting!!!) one of the big dogs, Abel (the Master Mind in the great Dog Food heist I think) had diarrhea all over his crate! To be fair, most of it was in his empty dog food bowl (how fitting!).  I was shoo-ing them out of the room with my foot when it smacked against something and I think I broke a toe.  I may have to re-think this sobriety being fun thing...

But I'm here and writing again... (anything to avoid the pile of clothes to be ironed in the kitchen).  Oh, and yesterday was 1 month.  Time flies...

The High Holy Days

September is usually the time for the Jewish High Holy Days, Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur.  Some times they are later - in October, depending on the calendar.  Rosh Hashanah is the Jewish New Year, at this time the "Big Book" in heaven is opened and we hope that through prayer and repentance that on Yom Kippur (10 days later) that our name is scribed in the book before it is closed at sundown, not to be opened again until next year.

As usual, families gather together for festive meals (when don't we eat??!) and then go to services.  But, a funny thing happened to me on the way to services on Yom Kippur eve.  We were out to an early dinner, because we had to be in services before sundown. Andy, Jessie and Skylar were with Bob and me so the dinner was lively and full of laughter.  Just as Bob was paying the check, I turned to him and said "I have to go home". "What?" he replied as if he hadn't heard me correctly (read that as, "are you crazy we're suppose to be in temple!" I repeated that I HAD to go home... so he walked me out to the street and put me in a cab.

Once I got home, I changed clothes, packed a small weekend bag and called my friend Carla to see if she could give me a ride. Then I called my friend Stacy to see if she could meet us at my destination.  And off we went.  My destination was the River Oaks "resort" just outside New Orleans.  Read THAT as detox/rehab.  For me it was time's up gotta go.  And go I did.  No one knew - not Bob, not my kids and not my friends... I'm not even really sure I really knew - but I think I had some spiritual guidance on this decision.

I won't bore you with the details - but the quick story is that at some point in the past few months I started drinking in the early afternoon... and then that moved to lunch.  And THEN, one day when I looked in the mirror, I saw my mother's face looking out at me and I was scared - well, scared sober! It was about a week later that I checked myself in.  All my life I've worried about being "just like my mom" and I had started down that path.

The time in rehab was relatively short - admitted on Friday and was suppose to be discharged Monday (until my insurance ok'ed 5 days) so I got out on Wednesday.  It was an absolutely amazing experience! Uplifting, frightening, hilarious all at the same time. There were 22 of us on the unit, only 3 of us alcoholics (pills are VERY popular right now). For a while there during groups, I kept thinking to myself "What am I doing here? I'm just a soccer mom who drinks a little too much wine!" as I listened to the 18 year old heroin addict share his story, or the 16 year old methadone addict, or the disabled jockey crack addict share their stories.  One of the other alcoholics in with me was a lovely 23 year old girl who had been to "the unit" 3 times in the last month. AND a 28 day program before that. 

Really LISTENING to them, I realized we were all the same actually, people who just lost control of their lives and substance of choice.  Who would have thought?  I was just one of the lucky ones who had a "high bottom" - one who quit before they lost everything.

So here I am... not to worry... I won't be writing about the joys of sobriety or spouting off AA stuff... after all it IS ME!  But I feel like I've been gone for a long time and now I'm back!