September is usually the time for the Jewish High Holy Days, Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. Some times they are later - in October, depending on the calendar. Rosh Hashanah is the Jewish New Year, at this time the "Big Book" in heaven is opened and we hope that through prayer and repentance that on Yom Kippur (10 days later) that our name is scribed in the book before it is closed at sundown, not to be opened again until next year.
As usual, families gather together for festive meals (when don't we eat??!) and then go to services. But, a funny thing happened to me on the way to services on Yom Kippur eve. We were out to an early dinner, because we had to be in services before sundown. Andy, Jessie and Skylar were with Bob and me so the dinner was lively and full of laughter. Just as Bob was paying the check, I turned to him and said "I have to go home". "What?" he replied as if he hadn't heard me correctly (read that as, "are you crazy we're suppose to be in temple!" I repeated that I HAD to go home... so he walked me out to the street and put me in a cab.
Once I got home, I changed clothes, packed a small weekend bag and called my friend Carla to see if she could give me a ride. Then I called my friend Stacy to see if she could meet us at my destination. And off we went. My destination was the River Oaks "resort" just outside New Orleans. Read THAT as detox/rehab. For me it was time's up gotta go. And go I did. No one knew - not Bob, not my kids and not my friends... I'm not even really sure I really knew - but I think I had some spiritual guidance on this decision.
I won't bore you with the details - but the quick story is that at some point in the past few months I started drinking in the early afternoon... and then that moved to lunch. And THEN, one day when I looked in the mirror, I saw my mother's face looking out at me and I was scared - well, scared sober! It was about a week later that I checked myself in. All my life I've worried about being "just like my mom" and I had started down that path.
The time in rehab was relatively short - admitted on Friday and was suppose to be discharged Monday (until my insurance ok'ed 5 days) so I got out on Wednesday. It was an absolutely amazing experience! Uplifting, frightening, hilarious all at the same time. There were 22 of us on the unit, only 3 of us alcoholics (pills are VERY popular right now). For a while there during groups, I kept thinking to myself "What am I doing here? I'm just a soccer mom who drinks a little too much wine!" as I listened to the 18 year old heroin addict share his story, or the 16 year old methadone addict, or the disabled jockey crack addict share their stories. One of the other alcoholics in with me was a lovely 23 year old girl who had been to "the unit" 3 times in the last month. AND a 28 day program before that.
Really LISTENING to them, I realized we were all the same actually, people who just lost control of their lives and substance of choice. Who would have thought? I was just one of the lucky ones who had a "high bottom" - one who quit before they lost everything.
So here I am... not to worry... I won't be writing about the joys of sobriety or spouting off AA stuff... after all it IS ME! But I feel like I've been gone for a long time and now I'm back!
Oh, sweetie, how brave you are. I know you will make it and be stronger. Hugs to you.
Don't be a stranger, ya hear?
Posted by: Sue Mullins | October 15, 2007 at 07:32 PM
Many thoughts and prayers to you my friend. Nothing wrong with getting help when it is needed. {{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}
Posted by: Chiara | October 15, 2007 at 10:15 PM
Renee, good for you!! Bob must have been scared s***less. You've been through so much, but you are a strong cookie. I hope you have a strong support network. I know you have a lot of friends and family that love you!!
Posted by: keely | October 17, 2007 at 02:10 PM
sweet renee......what ever support or assistance that you need.....please ask~! i will pray for your sobriety.......my thoughts and prayers are with you.....
kathy & ****
Posted by: kathy | October 17, 2007 at 04:06 PM
Renee, it the short time that I have known you I have never seen you fail at doing what needs to be done - If Katrina didn't break you, there is nothing you can't beat. Be strong and know you have friends pulling for you
Leslie
Posted by: Leslie McF | October 17, 2007 at 08:53 PM
Sweetie - you know we are ALL here for you, no matter what! As I have said many times before you are one of the strongest women I know and you have shown that to me once again. I'm in your corner whenever you need something!
XOXO
Posted by: Trudie | October 18, 2007 at 11:55 PM
I am so, so proud of you, Renee! It's frightening to really take a look at yourself and then have the guts to actually do something to change what you see. My prayers & thoughts are with you.
Posted by: Kath W | October 19, 2007 at 03:28 PM
Renee - you knew you needed help and you went and got it, you are a strong person and will fight whatever gets thrown at you. Be proud of yourself but let others support you now. My thoughts and prayers are with you across the pond.
Posted by: Bev | October 20, 2007 at 05:28 AM
you rock renee!
i will be thinking of you!
Posted by: liz simon | October 22, 2007 at 11:27 AM
You rock Renee.
And I am so proud to know you,
to call you my friend.
So proud of this change you've made in your life.
I'm on your side.
Whatever you need,
whenever you need it,
I'm here.
I love you!
xoxo,
B
Posted by: becca | October 26, 2007 at 10:23 PM
Hello lovely Renee, Just a quick note from Australia to say that Mick and I are sending you our love, hugs, happy thoughts and that you are the coolest, bravest, most fab person and you can do anything you decide to do!!!! Thinking of you. Hugs. Narelle & Mick xxxxxx
Posted by: Narelle | November 14, 2007 at 04:40 AM
Renee! BIG HUGS to you! Just wanted to let you know that I've been thinking of you and wishing the best for you!
Posted by: Jill Cornelius | January 23, 2008 at 10:32 AM